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Sports

Cutler Vows To Spend Off Season Improving Pout Face

Brandon Stangl

Refusing to let his inability to play get in his way, Chicago Bears quarterback, Jay Cutler, has told this local reporter he will spend his entire off season neglecting his physical abilities and continue to steadily decline in overall preparation and skill for the foreseeable future, working exclusively on his pout face for the upcoming 2016 season. 

Already known for his general lack of enthusiasm on the sideline, Cutler and his agent have decided to work with local improve group, Second City, to help bring his pout face game to the next level. “We think he has the potential to be the best in the conference for sure,” said Arty Gould, Cutler’s agent. “The sky’s the limit with this kind of talent. His raw pouty attitude rivals the youngest, and most irritable of small children. It’s really remarkable.”