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Sports

Kid Fucking Drilled By Pitch: Dad Proud Son Was Finally Able To Contribute To Team

Brandon Stangl

                                                               

                                                               

After watching 9 innings of pathetic intramural baseball from his son, valley father was ecstatic to see his boy, Timothy Miller, get on base after getting fucking drilled by the opposing pitcher. The 12-year-old was awarded the Golden Sombrero earlier in the 7th inning when he was struck out for the fourth consecutive at bat. “Holy shit you stink” and “get that fucking kid back to tee ball” were just some of the commentary overheard from the hostile bleacher section.

When asked to comment, Coach Phillips said “I coach 8 year olds with better swing fundamentals than him. I honestly feel bad for those bastards [the boy’s parents] for having to shell out money for this kind of punishment.”

At press time, the father recalled the moment he knew the pitcher lost control of the ball. “I think the pitcher was trying out a backdoor breaking ball which under normal circumstances, would have left my boy scratching his head. It is unseasonably humid today, I think that factored in. I saw the pitch slip from his fingertips, and lock onto my son’s helmet. My boy was busy checking the crease in his pants, never saw the thing coming.” 

After a mild applause from the bleachers, young Timothy made his way to first, bringing his on base average to 0.001. With little base running experience though, he was soon thrown out after an ill advised attempt to steal second.