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News

Health: Finding The Perfect Instagram Image May Cause Anxiety

Brandon Stangl

Sources reported Friday that local woman Lisa Sheppard, buckled under the pressure of choosing the best filter and image combination to post to her Instagram account @crafty_queen. Lisa reportedly dressed her two-year-old son in some really cutesy shit that she bought off Etsy, after getting completely and totally inspired by a recent pin on Pinterest. “I put the camera setting on burst to make sure I captured the moment perfectly,” Lisa said. “The problem came when trying to choose between the 450 image and filter combinations. Somewhere between the Ludwig and Slumber filter settings I felt light-headed and unable to focus.” Lisa was reportedly unable to edit the exposure and the crop, which caused a real lack of “pop” when viewed in the newsfeed. “The resulting image received almost no likes,” Lisa said. Early data indicates a diminished amount of likes from family members she rarely sees, and old classmates she tries desperately to impress. The National Bureau of Online Health reports nearly 5,000 cases a week of women and men between the ages of 18-35. They warn of heightened levels of anxiety predominantly among new mothers, and those learning how to cook fancy ass food.