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News

Man Quietly Seethes As Neighbor's Dog Barks

Brandon Stangl

Trying to enjoy one of the few opportunities to have a nice cup of coffee on his back patio, local man Derrick Thiel instead quietly seethed as his neighbor’s dog barked incessantly. Unable to tune out the obnoxious sound of the yippy Chihuahua next door, Derrick was forced to lay his head into his hands and gently rock back and forth in his chair, hoping to push the anger deep down into his body, where it would prevent him from climbing over the neighbor’s oleanders and killing the dog. “It is so rare the weather is good, and I have an extra 20 minutes before having to rush out the door to work,” Derrick stated. “This was literally the only opportunity I had all month to soak in life for a moment, and now it is gone.” When asked to comment, Derrick’s neighbors had no idea what the fuss was about. “My dog doesn’t bark, I would know, I bet it’s his goddamn dog,” said Alison Roberts. When confronted with the knowledge that it was in fact her dog that barks all day, as it is the only one on the entire street, she denied it vehemently. “It’s not Fiffy, I would know. People need to learn to mind their own damn business.” Promptly after completing the interview, Mrs. Roberts placed Fiffy back in the yard where it smelled the tears of its sullen neighbor, and continued to bark.