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News

Apple, Walmart Pull Confederate Flag. Hanes Pull Hitler Moustaches and Wife Beaters.

Mac

With rising tension over the use of the confederate flag, companies from Walmart to Apple are pulling products that make use of the racial symbols. “We have taken steps to remove all items promoting the flag,” said Walmart spokesman Bill Wallace. "Our most popular items online are confederate themed lynching rope, gun racks, and Klan Regalia.  Whether these items are symbols of hate, or just good ol’ boy southern values has been yet to be decided. But our policy is to not offend anyone with our products.”

A spokesperson for Apple said told reporters the company would remove all Civil War era games and references from the App Store, along with Lynyrd Skynrd albums, and the completely unrelated “Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole. “Our stock prices are through the roof. We don’t want to touch this with a ten-foot pole, so we are pulling anything from our catalogs that sounds like confederate," said Apple CEO Tim Cook.

Hanes has also joined the conversation by pulling their wife beaters and plain white briefs from store shelves. Early numbers indicate 97% of bigots and toothless southerners wear these two articles of clothing exclusively while yelling racist shit from their dilapidated front porches. “We anticipate a large hit late Q2 because of this move,” said Hanes spokesperson Rylan Jennings. Hanes has also gone as far as editing the racially insensitive Hitler moustache from their Michael Jordan series of Comfort Fit commercials.