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News

Consumer Beware: Strict Return Policies On Infants

Mac

Calling the hospital after several restless nights in a row, new Dad Timothy Sanders, was shocked to find out there is a strict, no-return policy on newborn babies. “My wife and I thought we were ready for the restless nights. We were ASU grads, so we spent most of our undergrad playing beer pong until dawn. But this baby thing, this is different.” Tim went on to explain, “He screams, and pees, and eats incessantly. If he were any other roommate, we would have kicked him out already.”

When asked for a statement, Dr. James Curran from Banner Good Samaritan Hospital stated, “Infant re-uterization is a complex and expensive procedure, with no guarantee of the baby being able to fit back in. It is made very clear when patients first arrive, that once we deliver the baby, it is theirs.” Dr. James Curran went on to explain, “infants are very similar to baby birds. Once you touch one, and leave your scent, all others will reject them. This is the main reason we stand behind our policy. No other mother’s would be able to take the baby at this point.”

The Better Business Bureau reportedly receives hundreds of similar claims a month but feel this is a buyer beware situation. A representative from the BBB when asked to comment stated, “Companies like this often put things in fine print. You must educate yourself as a consumer before making these decisions.” The Sanders, with no other options, will take the infant to Craigslist, or Ebay. “I am hoping to get at least 75% the value I already put in, but I may be willing to trade for a motorcycle.”